Weekly Message by Ward Pimley
YEARS AGO, I VOLUNTEERED to be a *mentor* for a minority individual interested in becoming a journalist. Through the program, I mentored two individuals — both Vietnamese.
Before beginning our work, we were taught some basic strategies for mentoring. The first one — the most important one — was the Art of Listening.
That’s counter-intuitive, isn’t it, to the way most of us would consider the role of mentor.
We’d love to fill the air with our bon mots, our pearls of wisdom, as we talk down to the individual who, we believe, should be eternally grateful to have been assigned to our care.
Mais non, sugar-breath, that’s not at all how it works, despite our well-intentioned tendency to dominate the conversation.
As proper mentors, we need first to listen, to actually hear what our mentee is saying, as he/she expresses feelings or frustrations or makes observations or asks questions or even segues into a seemingly unrelated area of discourse.
When the mentor can build trust in the relationship, the mentee (don’t you just love that word?) can open up about deeper, more important issues.
REAL TRUST
THE LIFELONG BENEFIT of learning to listen in a mentoring situation carries over into our non-mentoring lives; in fact, into our daily conversations with our wives/husbands, our children/parents, our neighbors/friends/co-workers, and even casual strangers.
Matt. 11:15 NLT
Jesus said: “Anyone with ears to hear
should listen
and understand!”
So, you’d think from what I’ve written here that I have mastered that lesson and employ it rigorously, taking in every morsel of observation, truth, fiction, humor, emotion, instruction, and whatever else comes my way with the serious intention it deserves.
If so, you would be wrong.
I don’t.
It’s not that I don’t believe I should or that I discount what others are saying, it’s just that my mind drifts, and I comfort myself in the warm cocoon of “Ward’s World,” my wife’s term for the insular world I’ve built around myself.
Yes, I can focus intently on messages, like sermons, teaching, and other items that speak seriously into my life; it’s just that everyday conversation tends to be — in my mind — largely pointless. I mean, how often can one comment on the weather?
CONNECTING POINT
CLASSES ON MENTORING tell us there are three types of mentoring:
- TOP DOWN, where the mentor helps, assists, teaches, encourages the mentee,
- HORIZONTAL, where each partner is both mentor and mentee, sharing and encouraging one another, and
- BOTTOM UP, where the mentee benefits from the loving attention of someone more experienced or skilled in a particular matter.
All of us can benefit from the second and third forms, and as we gain experience, we can benefit others through the first form.
To maximize effectiveness, in whichever form we find ourselves in a particular relationship, listening is the key trait, not just a key trait but the key trait.
It also is important in our other relationships, and it’s a lesson I would do well to take more seriously.
“Hmm, did you just say something? Go on, please. I’m listening.”
PRAYER
FATHER GOD, HELP ME TO LISTEN. Your Son told us to listen to His Words, that they will never fade away, and You have said Your Word will never come back to You void. You created our fellow men/women in Your image, and as imago dei, their words are important, even if we don’t think so in the moment. Those words are connecting links, ways of building community, and each of us needs to pay attention when someone addresses us, even if it’s to comment on the weather. Thank You, Father God, and now bless us to be a blessing to others, those You put in our lives. In the name of Jesus.
Ward's Words | BY WARD PIMLEY 